Things I Would Rather Do Than Write This Paper

• Google "stupid people at Walmart"
• jack off
• listen to music
• drink
• jack off
• Facebook creep
• smell my candle
• count the bumps on the ceiling
• knit a sweater
• jack off
• sleep
• blow my nose
• pick my nose
• bang my head on the computer
• soak my paper cut in lemon juice
• broil a turkey
• jack off
• watch porn
• make porn
• buy stocks
• do a sudoku
• jack off
• look at pictures of turtles
• cry
• bang on the keyboard until i have three pages
• call people in China
• play call of duty
• stare at my laundry, hoping it puts itself away
• throw my textbooks out the window
• build a gazebo
• rent a canoe
• build a canoe
• jack off
• rearrange everything in my house
• change the time on all the clocks in my house
• buy some stocks
• brush my teeth with peanut butter
• find a stray cat on the street to be my pet